Saturday, August 19, 2006
*heartbeat*
happiness is 2 scoops of ice cream.. la la la ... i remember my very 1st cassette tape back when i was 3 y/o.. actually it was a multiplex.. (remember that?!) haha those were the days.. i remember cleary the happiness i feel everytime i get to play that multiplex of mine.. back when happiness was really 'easy' to find.. back when happiness is felt as easy as 1-2-3.. when Maria would sing to the von Trapp kids that they won't feel so bad when they think of their favorite things...BUT.. I can't...Happiness is not as easy as thinking bout my favorite things.. its not like 2 scoops of ice cream.. its not like that at all.. i don't even know where happiness really is.. is it it my heart? in my mind? or in the people that im interacting with everyday??loneliness.. that is what haunts me every night.. everytime i get to switch off the lights and darkness starts to unfold im left with nothing but loneliness.. can there really be light across the tunnel? honestly, yes! i believe there is.. and i really don't believe that it should be another person or thing but more of ME.. i want to be the light that shines in my dark tunnel.. the only person who can save me in my loneliness is ME.. and i know that.. BUT i can't make the drastic step of turning my belief into reality... i guess it is HARD to do.. hell!
there are just some things in life that are toooooo darn hard to really understand.. sbi ni bez loneliness is there to make us realize how nice happiness is.. (how sweet it can be).. BUT there is still something at the back of my head telling me that, that explaination is not enough to satisfy my hunger for reason... :<
does this really have to be how i feel about my 'phase'.. waah! im still in that phase.. and i like this coz im scared of everything.. am i my own ghost? :<
IM SAD.. (yet AGAIN!)
this whole CRAP is something that has been haunting me for quite some time now.. i guess im just pushing it really hard.. its not about being single.. (i've accepted that, its NOT YET time) im just tooooo PRE-OCCUPIED with other stuff that i've totally forgotten that I TOO AM A PERSON.. that i too need to feel that im well accepted and appreciated for being ME.. and that I too long for someone who would see me the way others don't..
what the in the world is WRONG WITH ME??
hay! another night.. another sucking phase..
enough about this crap..
Posted by mia at 11:55:00 PM
