Tuesday, August 29, 2006

who am I??

have u ever wondered who iam?... did it every crossed your mind if Im just an ordinary pathetic soul that u see on a daily basis.. or im just an ordinary foolish being that has walked this world... well.. let me tell you who iam before other people do...
***
I am the most pathetic person I know..
Im vulnerable...
Im quite stubborn..
i can be your bestfriend and your WORST enemy...
i don't talk that much about what i really feel, coz i find too much talking useless...
i respect other people's opinion the way they should respect mine..
im heartbroken..
i open my heart to the people IM REALLY CLOSE WITH...
i try to open my ears to everything that i hear and i try to sink it all in..
I can be everybody's friend and i can be everybody's confidante...
***
What's the point of saying who iam? Im just scared that one day people will mistake me for someone im not... im not involved in any fight whatsoever i just wanna be TRANSPARENT i guess.. haha another thing that i wanna point out is that people can find a little piece of me in their lives.. i mean, some of their close peers might possess the same characteristic/s that i have or better yet find a piece of me in them... hay! i guess this part of my post goes out mainly to me coz im 'hurting'.. WHATEVER!!! anlabo ko n nman.. :-(
***
MOVING ON...
***
people... im in no position to tell u what to do.. tell u what to feel... and even if it hurts me seeing you suffer i try my best to look the other coz u pushed me to make that move.. im just quite disappointed coz u tell me that i know when to let go and all these inspirational stuff but you can't even move on... if there is one thing i wish in this world is for you to be FREE... i hope u won't take this as a beating on your personality.. I JUST CARE u know.. and i WISH YOU WELL.. my heart goes out to you and to my other friends who are hurting...
***
I AM HEARTBROKEN.. yes! iam and im not thinking twice in saying it again... BUT someone inspires me to move on.. sum1 hu helps me mend my 'broken heart'... U've undergone a lot over the past few days.. a failed relationship and all and yet u managed to smile and be yourself eventhough it hurts.. i admire u!! thank you coz u are always around to try and cheer me up... :-) i miss you dearly.. hope to be with you soon..
***
YOU INSPIRE ME.. thank you.. EVERY SINGLE CELL IN MY BODY IS HAPPY... u are the prime reason why im trying my best to be REALLY HAPPY.. thank you.. thank you is not enough to show my gratitude and appreciation for you.. u are special and i pray for you always.. :-) keep on holding on coz ur lucky star is watching over you day and night.. :-)
***
for MY STAR.. i love you.. and i hope that someday i get to see you shining down on me... :-) i miss you already and i hope that love will finally come in my reverie and in my reality...

Posted by mia at 8:58:00 PM

Monday, August 28, 2006

almost...

every single cell of my body is happy... ;-)

sabi ni crugs un daw ang way para maging happy ako.. hehe cge for u i'll try my very best to be happy..
**
nkikita ko ung mga friends ko and they tell me to be HAPPY.. si kring, she convinces me to move on and to hold on her whenever i feel down... si eure laging sinasabi na i'll be fine.. that i know when to let go..
**
EVERY SINGLE CELL OF MY BODY IS HAPPY...
**
honestly, im not totally happy pero a part of me is already feeling the happiness.. i think its because of the support i get from my friends... the jokes i hear from my close peers and the fact that i have the Lord by my side... hay! it takes alot of time to heal the wounds of love.. (aaw! love ito..)
**
EVERY SINGLE CELL OF MY BODY IS HAPPY...
**
i know, somebody out there loves me.. i know... i just know...
****
EVERY SINGLE CELL OF MY BODY IS HAPPY...
**
IM ALMOST THERE... :-)

Posted by mia at 8:51:00 PM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

history repeats itself..

hay..

i was going through a friend's blog.. Dans Le Rose ata ang name nung site na iyon.. hehe ANYWAY, the post/s were all about heartache, the 'art of letting go' AND moving on...

i've always said to my friends (particularly the 'BIGO' group) try to move on.. 'u need to move on for your own sake' hay! that's what i always say YET i can't do it myself...

PAKSHET!

practice what you preach! a worn out cliche (at hindi gumagana ang special character ko..) and it sucks!! kasi hindi ko magawa... i hate it when i bring myself down the way i hate it when i see my friends feel low.. hay! if only things can be less complicated...

PAKSHET!

i made myself down na nman.. hay! im back to that same point wherein IM LEFT BEHIND.. hay! i thought this one will be alot different coz i made the 1st move.. i guess it wasn't good enough...

WRONG MOVE.. off to the flank!

PAKSHET...

sorry friends... im making another sad post.. i guess it just shows my vulnerable side.. hay! sorry again.. i promised not to be affected with what is going on.. i promised not to cry over something istuped!

BUT...

i have too...

according to the song im hearing right now...

Im looking for myself...
it makes me mad coz I WANNA BE HAPPY SO BAD...

if i could turn back time.. I WOULD...

Posted by mia at 7:45:00 PM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

think..

everyday we get to be in a situation wherein all we wanted is to find the easy way out.. trying our best to untangle the already tangled up web of our own making.. what's the point of this post? nothing really.. haha but there are just some things i CAN'T UNDERSTAND.. am i that stupid? or are the people around me are just toooo d*mn good in 'playing the game'...
**
In one of my previous post i mentioned about life as a game.. and i totally AGREE with that thought of mine (malamang! post ko un dba?! haha) i never thought that people can be that MEAN and determined in playing the game.. or am i too naive to even think of the possibilities.. hay! i freakin' hate the thought of even seeing and hearing about it... whoah! it makes me wanna throw up...
**
( i hate the stupid spacing!! grrr.. malfunctioning na nman!!! grrr.. - dhang nararamdaman ko ang presensya mo.. hahaha)
**
hay! i was with my college friends last night.. actually we spent the night in BORAcoor.. haha :-) although only a few people came we had a great time.. hehe :-) astig.. hay! it was a haggard day... why??
The BIG dot.. it was a show we did for videopost.. it was a live taping for a project we have this midterms.. it was fun but very tiring.. we all had a great time.. (i guess).. although our dear professor was disappointed because we started late.. hay!
MAKATI day.. after the big dot we (eure,ruth and dhang) have to go to Makati for an interview for our (eure, ruth and moi) thesis.. (nakisali lang si dhang! haha) IT WAS RAINING HARD.. grrr! it was a very tiring day BUT rewarding because we were able to interview the cartoonist and we were able to see KRING KRING!! yihee!! pretty kring kring.. haha and we bonded!!! yeehaw!! haha hay! but i didn't see akie.. hahaha
PARK and RIDE... it should be park and stand!! gawd! my legs were like jello after walking all around makati and standing sa may park and ride.. hay! enough said...
BORAcoor... hehe :-) saya!! hahahha wlang tama.. palibhasa puro kwento ginwa.. haha
**
hay! i miss someone..
**
saw him.. haha he looked the other way.. may kasalanan kasi.. haha

Posted by mia at 3:29:00 PM

Thursday, August 24, 2006

YEHEY!!

it was the course's first time to join in the basketball women's division of the CLA SPORTSFEST.. and WE WON.. yez!! broadjourn basketball women WON.. yipee!!! heehee :-) we've proven something guys (correction: girlets) haha
BRAVO BROADJOURN...
**
hay... it was a remarkable moment.. haha :-) everyone was in festive mode after the game.. its one of those moments wherein u are just too d*mn happy about the event that u just forget about the conflicts and misunderstandings u had early in the day.. hay! it was one hell of a game.. u can see how bad both teams wanted the game... waaah
labanan na to ng PUSO SA PUSO.. (yuck!) ang cheesy.. hahaha
**
well.. what can i say.. after 1 loss and 6 STRAIGHT wins these ladies proved a point and made us REALLY PROUD.. haha :-) even if in case the team lost I still am proud of them.. imagine! first time tpos umabot ng FINALS.. the good thing about it was nag-CHAMPION PA.. :-*
**
hay!! IM PROUD OF YOU GIRLS.. heehee
**
INUMAN NA!! INUMAN NA!! hahahahahahha :-D
**
P.S. super asterisk n nman ako.. grrr.. ngloloko na nman ang spacing ng aking site.. grr.. hehe

Posted by mia at 11:52:00 PM

Monday, August 21, 2006

no no no!!!

u can never say that u know what's BEST FOR SOMEONE... u just can't!! u can't make a decision for someone u barely even know... u can't say ur thinking bout someone's happiness when you don't even know what REALLY makes them happy... you can't put OTHER PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS IN YOUR HANDS... it just doesn't work that way...

if u love a person let him/her find his/her way to what he/she really wants.. u can't make their path for them... HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.. a choice that a PERSON makes for HIMSELF... we are given the gift of FREE WILL.. the ability to make THAT CHOICE.. if we made the wrong choice its our fault, there is no one to blame but our OWNSELVES.. and its part of being and its part of being human coz man wasn't made to be perfect, he has his flaws, he has his share of mistakes but he also so has his share of victory...
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the heart of a fighter.. he may have his downfalls BUT he will always emerge victorious..
i don't know what's the point of manipulating the situation... why did u do this? what's the point of even making that decision of yours in the first place?? im not here to judge u.. im just confused.. i may not be a part of this whole spectacle BUT u sure made my heart palpitate..
IM DISAPPOINTED...
But im in no position to hate u... coz im not involved.. but it made me wonder... WHY?????
WHY??

Posted by mia at 7:16:00 PM

Saturday, August 19, 2006

*heartbeat*

happiness is 2 scoops of ice cream.. la la la ... i remember my very 1st cassette tape back when i was 3 y/o.. actually it was a multiplex.. (remember that?!) haha those were the days.. i remember cleary the happiness i feel everytime i get to play that multiplex of mine.. back when happiness was really 'easy' to find.. back when happiness is felt as easy as 1-2-3.. when Maria would sing to the von Trapp kids that they won't feel so bad when they think of their favorite things...

BUT..

I can't...

Happiness is not as easy as thinking bout my favorite things.. its not like 2 scoops of ice cream.. its not like that at all.. i don't even know where happiness really is.. is it it my heart? in my mind? or in the people that im interacting with everyday??

loneliness.. that is what haunts me every night.. everytime i get to switch off the lights and darkness starts to unfold im left with nothing but loneliness.. can there really be light across the tunnel? honestly, yes! i believe there is.. and i really don't believe that it should be another person or thing but more of ME.. i want to be the light that shines in my dark tunnel.. the only person who can save me in my loneliness is ME.. and i know that.. BUT i can't make the drastic step of turning my belief into reality... i guess it is HARD to do.. hell!
there are just some things in life that are toooooo darn hard to really understand.. sbi ni bez loneliness is there to make us realize how nice happiness is.. (how sweet it can be).. BUT there is still something at the back of my head telling me that, that explaination is not enough to satisfy my hunger for reason... :<
does this really have to be how i feel about my 'phase'.. waah! im still in that phase.. and i like this coz im scared of everything.. am i my own ghost? :<
IM SAD.. (yet AGAIN!)
this whole CRAP is something that has been haunting me for quite some time now.. i guess im just pushing it really hard.. its not about being single.. (i've accepted that, its NOT YET time) im just tooooo PRE-OCCUPIED with other stuff that i've totally forgotten that I TOO AM A PERSON.. that i too need to feel that im well accepted and appreciated for being ME.. and that I too long for someone who would see me the way others don't..
what the in the world is WRONG WITH ME??
hay! another night.. another sucking phase..
enough about this crap..

Posted by mia at 11:55:00 PM

Friday, August 18, 2006

collection 1

STRESSFUL... hay! that's how i would describe my day... =S hay! its one of those days when you just want to relieve the stress/es (whatever!).. grrr! i just hate this day.. although the fun part never ceases its just tooooo STRESSFUL... waaah! and the funny thing about it is i just sat my *ss off for almost the whole f*cking day... (pretty nice huh?!.. NOT!) hay! anyway, i learned quite a few things nman eh... so i feel 'kinda ok'... hmp!

*****
i sooo HATE this person talaga... i hate this person coz this person is NOT SENSITIVE ENOUGH with the feelings of the people that this person deals with... grrr! (take note on the stress 'this person' i really don't wanna tell if this person is a HE or SHE) >:s grrrr... i just HATE THIS PERSON... 'kung gusto mong matuwa sau ang mga tao sa paligid mo matuto kang magpakumbaba... hindi lang IKAW ang TAO DITO SA MUNDO.. matuto kang makisama... hindi ung kala mo kung sino kang ALL KNOWING... hindi T*NGA ang mga tao sa paligid mo.. MARUNONG KAMING MAG-ISIP..' grrrr.. i sooooo HATE THIS PERSON TALAGA... grrrrrrr...

*****
saw him.. UN LANG.. :> (blushing mode)
*****
i feel kinda 'low' lately.. i really don't know why.. maybe im still this 'phase' of my life when i wanna PUT a certain DIRECTION into it (my life) but i just can't totally see what this direction is heading... (or how it looks like)... i feel the pressure this whole future that is waiting for me... (am i ready for anything and everything?!) waaah! parang ang hirap sagutin.. there are just questions that are not answerable by 'yes' or 'no'; 'agree' or 'disgaree';etc... :-<>
*****
i wanna end this post with something that im soooo PROUD OF... my friends who are playing fro BJ (broadcast journalism) in the women's division basketball, u've all proven to me/us that you guys have the potential to DO GOOD THINGS... amazing! i love you all.. heehee tinext kita, hndi tau ngkiktia.. sayang naman! akala ko mini bonding ito.. heehehe' there are just things that are meant to be..
*****
what is professionalism? well i really don't wanna dwell on the whole idea... and its really really funny that people can go to that much of an extent just to prove a crooked system... what the hell is that... kaloka!

Posted by mia at 11:01:00 PM

Saturday, August 12, 2006

this post is about nothing...

hay... i can't think anything interesting to talk about... i guess im just toooo darn numb right now... haha :-) but i will try to write something 'interesting'...

anyway, im trying my best to make things A LOT BETTER, with regards to everything and anything that is happening in my life now... honestly i feel a little lost, i really don't know where i stand and what i really want to happen in my life... i find it kinda stupid coz for someone like me who wants everything under control, i find myself losing control on everything... (LABO NO?!) haha :) i guess it just shows that life really is a rollercoaster ride... xp

MOVING ON...

i think im in that 'phase' wherein im PUZZLED... i really can't understang myself right now, maybe its in the hormones.. boy! this hormones sure kicks some ass!! hahaha but seriously, i just DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS HEAD OF MINE... i just have no idea... i feel a little SAD and i feel a little LONELY and i don't even know WHY... waaah! i guess its one of those days when you can't decide which pair shoes goes with that cocktail dress... :-( again, i've hit rock bottom... hay...

i don't think joe the mango can help me this time... hay! (now that sucks! i don't even listen to him BUT i know his good) :<

**********
i've always believed in signs... if my dear friend kring is the ultimate 'wish girl'.. im the ulitmate 'sign girl'... and so far that's what keeps me going... i really don't know how far i can continue, BUT i keep on believing and i keep on hoping that someday... YES! someday, i'll get to spend time with the stars... :'<

stars are blind yet they twinkle in the night sky and kept humans mesmerized...
i've always wanted to REACH FOR THAT ONE STAR... maybe its not yet time to have my hands on it.. BUT i know that everytime it shines down on me, it can see the beauty that lies skin deep... I LOVE MY STAR... and I'LL ALWAYS HOPE THAT I GET TO KEEP MY STAR AND FORM CONSTELLATIONS WITH IT... :'>

Posted by mia at 9:59:00 PM

Sunday, August 06, 2006

degree in AB LIFE

life is a school BUT not all are students... hay! i don't even know why this tagline keeps on ringing in my head... anyway, i don't even know if i CLEARLY understood what it really means... haha! :-)

anyway.. MOVING ON...

i keep on wondering why we come across people that leaves a certain mark in us that whatever we do it just doesn't go away... its like its embedded inside our very core leaving us with no escape at all... i tried many times to be in control of everything but i guess the more you try to control a situation, a person, a feeling the more it takes you deeper and deeper into SADNESS...

YES IM SAD... and for the nth time im stuck in a predicament that i think will never cease to haunt me...

Im blessed.. I SURE AM... and i know for a fact that my blessings can really out number my misfortunes... And im thankful for everyday and FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT TOUCHED MY LIFE...

BUT...

it doesn't change the fact that IM SAD and i can't even make myself smile even for a while.. cguro tama si mumoo we look at life differently and at some point we get to play it the way we want it to be... I guess im just at this certain 'phase' wherein i get overly excited with things and when i haven't reached my goal i feel defeated...

LIFE IS A SCHOOL BUT NOT ALL ARE STUDENTS... (oi! ngkaroon na ng direction ang post ko!)

In my case im a student... (maybe most of us are) and i don't deny that in the degree of AB LIFE im still having my fair share of F's and D's...

Posted by mia at 8:58:00 PM

Friday, August 04, 2006

el mundo...

Actually, the topic of this post is more of the contrary... heehee

Anyway, I've learned from the travel and living channel that we are only 6 DEGREES APART...(or was it 8 haha..) :-) meaning at some point we are connected with each other... this theory actually gave way to the creation of friendster, my space, hi-5, ringo, etc... its because of these connections that made this websites huge hits...

As I was browsing my friendster account, I was STUNNED when I discovered that some of my friends from high school were actually friends of some of my college friends... and there is this certain SOMEONE who was actually 2 degrees away from me... (Friend of a friend)! SMALL WORLD... my gawd!! It was the culmination of almost everything that I've wondered about and 'dreamt' about... hahaha nakakatawa pero totoo...

**********
Enough about the theory... hehehe

Im kinda missing my older sister right now.. hay! Although I receive emails from her on a daily basis I still miss her.. and knowing for a fact that we are thousands of miles apart makes it even more 'tragic'... hay! My childhood nightmare is back to haunt me...

I can still remember that day waaaaaaay back in grade 1. I was busy 'chatting' with my classmate when one friend called me coz someone was looking for me.. I SAW MY SISTER (she ran away or should i say eloped...) outside my classroom waving at me and just looking and before I knew it she was GONE... I cried right there and then and my classmates were stunned when they saw me crying (kala nila mai kumagat na insekto sakin!! Kmusta nman un?!)... I cried as if Armageddon was already happening... and I thought it would never happen again... I GUESS I WAS WRONG... As I got older I tried my best to ignore my past coz I always live in the present BUT the past will always come to haunt me... and it DID..

and now I feel like Im the 6 yr old kid who was crying in her classroom not knowing what to do...

I just want to be free of all of these...

YET...

I CAN'T...

Posted by mia at 10:05:00 PM